Myth: You Don't Belong Here | Imposter Syndrome

By now you’ve likely read or heard or watched something on the psychological term known as “imposter syndrome”. It’s having a bit of a moment really. If you’re unfamiliar the term, you’ve likely experienced the symptoms. That internal anxiety that if people knew who you really were you’d be exposed for a fraud. That sinking feeling that you’re in way over your head and you don’t belong here. For many of us that are chasing down dreams or working on a big hairy audacious goal we may have even cozied up and become good pals with imposter syndrome.

But I just don’t believe we are supposed to settle for living with the lies of imposter syndrome.

A bit of backstory on me, I co-founded a bridal boutique with just a high school degree (and a few college credits), a strong work ethic and a healthy dose of confidence that I could do anything I put my mind to. I had never even worked in retail. I learned everything I knew about selling wedding dresses and running a business from binge watching Say Yes to the Dress and Google. And now, nearly 9 years later, we have 5 locations in 4 states, a private label, a robust team that leads the daily operations and lots of plans for the future.

This is a great recipe both for a movie starring J.Lo and imposter syndrome.

To this day I struggle with feeling like I’m a fraud. Like I don’t have the credentials or experience necessary to lead such a successful business. But I’ve also learned a few techniques and acquired a few tools that help me combat these feelings when they pop up so that I can recalibrate my thoughts to the truth.

Here are my top 5 strategies for overcoming Imposter Syndrome.

1. Transparency

From early on in our business I have been very transparent with the people I lead about my lack of “on paper” qualifications. I had seen people spinning their overseas college mission trips into “International NGO volunteer” or calling their failed hobby business a “startup” and I just didn’t want to go that route. And as the business began to grow and hit significant benchmarks I feel it has also served as a point of inspiration and motivation for the young women on our team. “Look what you can accomplish with the right team and a lot of hard work! Who cares what piece of paper you do or don’t have!”

2. Trust that God has you where you are for a reason

When I’m really feeling out of my league I have to stop and remind myself that while I may not fully understand it, God has put me in this position for a reason. I take a quick scan over the past few years and recall his faithfulness in every step along the way. One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from the legend Christine Caine:

God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.

God’s called me to this. And while it may not always make sense or feel comfortable in the natural I trust that the Supernatural knows why I’m here. Choosing to walk in obedience knowing that God has your back allows you to place your confidence in Him not your feelings.

3. Other people's opinions don't matter

Or as my girl Rachel Hollis says, “Someone else’s opinion of you is NONE of your business”. One of the major contributors to my imposter syndrome was my perception of other people's opinions of me. I want to make sure you caught that. Not their actual opinions per se. But my perception of their opinions. At times I could be so concerned with wanting other people to think I belonged in my role. That I was competent. That I was capable. Mind you these “people” were usually strangers in the airport, or at an industry conference, or a networking mixer. They were never people in my life whose opinions actually mattered. I knew I had the support of those people! When I finally internalized the concept that other people's opinions don't matter, my whole attitude toward other people shifted. I became more kind. I was able to celebrate the successes of others. I wasn't striving to prove anything, I was just going about my business. Do the work to let this concept sink in and watch the transformation that takes place internally and externally.

4. You do You

I am not Michelle Obama. I am not Sheryl Sandberg, Sara Blakely, Shonda Rhimes, or Laurie Greiner.

And👏That👏Is👏Ok👏 Because I am me and God created me with a unique set of skills, personality traits and interests and then presented me with unique opportunities to pursue. And guess what, He’s done the same for you! Stop comparing your unique self to other people's unique selves. (This may require a wee break from Instagram. You can do it. I believe in you.) Having a deep confidence about who you arem whose you are and who you were created to be is a powerful weapon in the fight against imposter syndrome.

5. Quieting the inner critic

If you love the Enneagram as much as I do, then you will know that as a “1” my inner critic is loud and relentless. In situations or seasons where I’m feeling especially like an imposter I will try and take notice of what that inner critic has been saying to me about myself. Then I can speak truth and positivity to myself rather than allowing the critical monologue to continue and get me off track.

Imposter syndrome is real and can hold you back from pursuing all that God has for you in life. Fight for the truth and don’t give in to the lies.